Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category
Did Mike Meyers Make The Worst Movie Of 2008?
Up until a few years ago, I always felt compelled to finish watching a movie once I started. I think it’s most likely that I’ve always thought that even if a movie doesn’t entertain, at least I could learn what makes a movie bad. I’m not sure if I’ve just seen enough movies that I get bored easily or that I’ve finally realized I won’t be around forever and value my remaining time way too much, but if I can’t find a reason to keep watching a movie past the first act, I’m done.
One of the most recent victims of my new philosophy was The Love Guru. And I couldn’t even give that pile until the first act. By the time it got to the hockey rink, I was through with it. In those few minutes it was annoying, stupid, idiotic,
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Tags: BAD, boobs, Comedy, guru, Homer, love, mojo
Indiana Jones And The Spaceship Of Crap
The latest Indiana Jones movie went through several names before they settled on Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. There were Indiana Jones and the: Saucer Men from Mars, City of Gods, Destroyer of Worlds, Son of Indiana Jones, Mysterians, Atomic Ants, Phantom City of Gods. A couple of those have to be jokes, but honestly, it clearly illustrates the asinine journey this movie took.
Psychic alien skulls and inter-dimensional flying saucers are about as relevant to the Indiana Jones universe as the appendix to the human body- they’re unnecessary and you’re often better off getting rid of them. It could be argued that the religious relics of the previous three movies were just as ridiculous, but at least they’re existence would be applicable to a movie about an archaeologist. Last time I looked, Indiana Jones was no extraterrestrial researcher.
Well before the
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Tags: archaeologist, fridge, Harrison Ford, Indiana, nonsense, space
5 Directors I Hate- And You Should Too
So, these guys are terrible. I mean so awful they make me wish for an acute case of hysterical blindness. Or maybe a sharp stick to jab out my eyes and the eyes of anyone sitting near me.
Tags: artistry, Directors, experience, Psycho, reference, remake, Terry Gilliam, vision
Two Masters Of Horror Talking Remakes
You know I hate remakes, but, hey, this is just me bitching. Let’s take a look at a couple people who are actually affected: John Carpenter and Dario Argento.
Tags: Directors, Horror, interview, John Carpenter, Opinion, remake
5 Animated Characters I Wish Never Existed
This motley crew of animated jerks can throw me into a vitriolic rant as easily as any living person. The worst thing about these characters is that I first saw some of them when I was a little kid and they will account for some of the oldest movie memories I’ll ever have.
Tags: death, Disney, history, Movie, nightmare, request, Robin Williams
5 Actresses I Hate And The Petty Reasons Why
So, I already told you about the actors I hate, but I hate these actresses just as much. Watching them on the screen, they make me so nauseated, it’s all I can do to keep from puking.
Tags: acting, actress, character, criticism, Diane Keaton, Helen Hunt, miscast, Movie, Penelope Cruz
5 Actors I Hate And The Stupid Reasons Why
So, sometimes I’m not always as rational as I seem. Sometimes I get furious for the stupidest reasons. Here are the stupid
Tags: Al Pacino, Brad Pitt, comedian, disgust, Harrison Ford, Hollywood, Indiana, Justin Long, Mac, Movie, Tom Hanks, twerp
No Quandary For Old Men
So, I’ve seen No Country for Old Men three times now, and I’m still not feelin’ it. It’s easily the Coen brother’s best movie since 2001’s The Man Who Wasn’t There, but I’m not sure it’s really worthy of all the praise it’s received.
Tags: Award Winner, Directors, Movie, Society, Western
This Is Going To Get Worse Before It Gets Better
So, I know I’ve been on a anti-remake jag lately, I’ll try to make this the last I talk about it for a while. I just couldn’t help it, once I saw that MTV is remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Tags: Horror, Musical, Must See, Opinion, SciFi
Kill Reverence and You’ve Killed the Hero in Man
Why a remake? Take Jason and call it Friday the 13th: something. Why reuse the same plot lines? We’ve already seen them.
Tags: Directors, Horror, Opinion
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